Get yourself checked like a real man

Why is it so hard for men to admit that their bodies are in pain or starting to fail?

In the film “Chopin, Chopin!” there is a scene that says more about men’s health than many a World Health Organization report. Friends trick Frycek–as they call Chopin–into seeing a doctor. When the famous pianist hears the diagnosis, he cuts the conversation short: “Not a word to anyone!” Illness is a source of shame for him, a synonym of weakness, a blemish on the image of a virtuoso. Almost two hundred years have passed since Chopin’s time, yet–as shown in the book “A Man’s Matter,” which we wrote together with urologist Dr. Piotr Paweł Świniarski and psychologist Prof. Robert Kowalczyk–men are still wrestling with their health. Today, instead of showing off at piano concerts, they more often boast about gym feats and Strava records–they no longer battle tuberculosis, but depression, erectile dysfunction, and professional burnout.
Why is it so hard for them to admit that their body hurts or stops functioning? Surprisingly many of us still believe that “a real man doesn’t get sick.” Even if we have rationally understood that this isn’t true, the thought still lingers in us instinctively. No wonder–after all, for years we taught boys to be tough and not show weakness. Many of us see a doctor only when the body says “enough.” Or–as I learned from a urologist–when the equipment responsible for sex stops working.

Both our book conversations and research show that it is not easy to motivate men to take care of their health. There is, however, one argument that works. It doesn’t sound like “take care of yourself,” but rather: “take care of yourself for those you love.” For a partner, for children, for family. Any reason
is a good one.

The film’s Chopin had no chance of recovery, which is probably why he escaped into the illusion of his own immortality. Today, many diseases that once ended lives prematurely can be effectively treated. All it takes is going to the doctor early enough. Let us continue to be inspired by Chopin’s compositions, but let’s let go of the myth of the “real man who never gets sick,” because we are the only ones who lose by it–us, our bodies, and those who love us.